IF I COULD.... YES, I WOULD

Stumbled upon this song yesterday, watching Celine Dion live in Las Vegas on TV. This is so such a perfect song to let my daughters know what I feel.

Love you my beloved Keisha and my peacful Serenity

If I could
I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
Give you courage in a world of compromise
Yes, I would

If I could
I would teach you all the things I've never learned
And I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
Yes, I would

If I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
But the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow
So I could let you go

If I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears
But I would
If I could

If I live
In a time and place where you don't want to be
You don't have to walk along this road with me
My yesterday
Won't have to be your way

If I knew
I'd would try to change the world I brought to you to

And there isn't very much that I can do
But I would
If I could...
oh baby... I just want to protect you
and help my baby through the hungry years
cause you're part of me
and if you ever... ever need
I said a shoulder to cry on
Or just someone to talk to
I'll be there... I'll be there
I didn't change your world
but I would
If I Could!

Happy 9th Birthday my BELOVED

June 16th, 2001
I have been telling myself for weeks now that I can't wait to have you out, not only because I weigh tonnes and have not experience a comfortable position on sitting, standing or lying down. It is more of after so many months of being so intimately connected with you by that little umbilical cord; I can't wait to see you face to face, holding you in my arms and telling you how much I love you. I can't wait to hear that little voice of yours, playing with your little fingers and toes. And just giving all the love I can ever give... only to you!

June 23rd, 2001
It was 4am and I am still tossing and turning, trying to find a perfect position with my more than gigantic size stomach for sleeping. Not only I can't find a good position; you were moving around in me more than the usual. Almost like you are trying to kick yourself out of me! I remembered being so irritated and shouted to you though my tummy "YOU EITHER COME OUT NOW, OR YOU BETTER GO TO SLEEP!" The next thing I knew, my water broke and that was your way of saying "I AM READY TO COME OUT NOW!"

I did not experience any pain till 1pm (after the inducing) and you were out to great me and the world @ around 4pm. You looked so tiny, you are more beautiful than I can ever imagine. I heard your first cry and I knew immediately you are going to grow up to be a strong, beautiful and wonderful person.

June 23rd, 2010
Today, it's your 9th Birthday. I want you to know, even though I am not there with you physically, to hold you in my arms; to look you in the eyes; to tell you that I love you in person. Please know that my mind and my heart have never left you even for 1 second. You are ALWAYS, ALWAYS loved. Our physical distance is never making me love you less, but ALWAYS, ALWAYS more!

I am sorry I can't be with you 2nd year in a roll to celebrate your birthday. But, I am sure you will still enjoy your special day to the utmost with your friends and family in NZ.

I love you, please never doubt that. I would never ever stop loving you, no matter what happen. I am you mummy and you are my baby. And that is a fact, nothing is going to ever change that. I am here for you, ALWAYS. I will lover you, ALWAYS.

I pray on this special day of yours, the Lord will continue to pour His Spirit upon you, guiding, leading, teaching and preserving you for His Kingdom. I pray that His blessing will be abundant and overflowing for the rest of your days. I pray you will ALWAYS remember the first love you have for Him and that your passion will grow in HIM.

Happy 9th Birthday my BELOVED, my KEISHA

Bed time

Bed time to a lot of people is just rolling over and snore. However, bed time for me and the girls are more than that. It's a time that I enjoyed the most. It's a time of waking up in the morning, looking into each others eyes, feeling the love we have for each other and laughing silly for no particular reason at all. It's a time before we close our eyes, saying "au revoir" to the good day we had and knowing there is someone loving you so much even in your sleep.

Princess S, she is usually the first to wake up in the morning amongst the 3 of us. However, she has this incredible bed-manners.... she will put her head back down to her pillow if she saw K & I are still snoring away. I usually pretend to sleep, wanting to know if she is up to any mischief thinking that I was still asleep, but NO... she will lie down there quietly till I go "Hey Serenity, GOOD MORNING.... do you want to jump into bed next to me?" You will then see that instant million dollars smile on her face, sparkle in her eyes saying "YUP!". Next thing you know she is snuggling under my arms, allowing me to wrap her up like an extra pillow. Her fresh morning scent is what I like to smell. I will usually give her a peck on the cheek and sniff behind her ears... that always throws her into a laughing spasm (it really take very little for her to laugh or smile, & I love her for that... she makes me laugh and smile by doing that)... this laughter to us is our "action" of telling each other "I LOVE YOU!".. with this "love" we usually wake K up and sharing more love... This is usually how we wake up in the weekend (weekdays though is usually more hectic, since it is usually "rush hour")

Princess K, on the other hand, do not like to go to bed. To her, somehow means she is missing out on a lot of her imaginary "exciting stuffs" the adults are enjoying after she goes to bed. She will usually beg and beg and beg for me to stay in bed with her for a while after bed time story and even after S is snoring away.

This, however is a priceless time. This is the time where Princess K will open up herself and telling things which she usually will keep so deeply in her heart.... it's our "secrets" time :-) She will usually pour her feeling out and telling me things that she will not tell anyone else. "It's our secret" she said, and I believe her.

This time round in NZ, I enjoyed these moments so immensely. They bring joy and closeness to all 3 of us. 1 same bedroom with 3 different fuzzy warm feelings. Can't wait for the next session....I love our bed time....

Skateboarding- S style

I know K has been a great sister since day 1. She has a lot of patient with S when it comes to teaching her tricks :-)

We are staying with my best friend in Auckland - Jen. She has a full household of kids (4 of them, plus mine... a total of 6 :-s) However, the kids are having a blast spending time and having fun with each other. They are heaps of toys to enjoy around the house. But, you guessed it, kids always want those toys they can't get their hands on and there is never enough of the same kind to go around.

Since S is one of the youngest, she almost missed out or get left out everytime. She would like to go on the scooters like the rest of the more grown up kids, but being this really "Kia -Si" (afraid to die) Mum; I really rather she does not. Anyway, there is not enough scooters to go round! K came up with this brilliant idea, she taught S to have fun with a baby skateboard. Promising her that it will be as much fun as the scooter.

But, what I really wanted to stress here is how touched I was seeing the patient K has. It took her almost 15min to convinced S that she will have as much fun. Then another 10 to explain, demonstrate and making sure S know how to use the skateboard. Did S get all that "FUN" at the end??? YES!!!Here is the video to tell it all!

The Day

This is the day I have been waiting for, 6 whole months... to just have those girls wrapped around my arms and giving them as much kisses as I would like!

After the 8886km of traveling from KLIA to Auckland airport that lasted just a little bit more than 10 hours, I am finally here at Te Aroha.... AUCKLAND, New Zealand~ where my girls will be meeting me after 7 hours of driving from Feilding. Again, they were not in the airport arrival hall when I arrived. My imaginations of having them running to my arms once I arrived at the arrival hall.......

I waited for about 10 minutes, too tired to be standing and waiting.... I was about to sit on the floor with the piles of goodies I have for my princesses.... there, I saw my 2 little big girls running towards me, with smiles so big and arms stretched out so wide ready for a big huge hug.

Tickets to Auckland, RMxxxx..... accommodation, RMxxxx.....To see the smiles on my princesses face.... PRICELESS!