Somewhere Out There

This is one of my all time favourite song. Whenever I am away from home, I know someone out there is thinking of me and loving me a lot.

My dear Princess, I am dedicating this song to you...... Please remember, I am loving you everyday, every night, every minute of the day. Although we are thousands of miles away, but we are sleeping under the same blue sky and wishing on the same bright star. I miss you and love you even more!

Somewhere Out There...
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight


Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big s

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-AQGq5q6pk

Trailer fun

The girls are definitely enjoying their time in NZ. They having the option of being outdoor whenever they want to. When they were living in KL, they are mostly being confined in my humble abode of 986 square meters! Since this "Kia Si" (scare to die) mummy is too protective; the furthest they are allowed to go without me is at the long and narrow corridor of my apartment. (So, if they ever tell you they have a deprived childhood, you should know where they get it from :-s)

Here is a video clip of them enjoying themselves in a trailer.... being tipped up and down by their Dad :-) Great fun!

Birthday.....

Keisha's birthday is just around the corner, 23/6 to be exact. I won't be there to celebrate with her, and that saddens me. This is the very first birthday of hers whereby I won't be there to celebrate with her. For the past years, I used to take a day off and just spend the day with her. Just the 2 of us.

We usually go for movie (usually good movie, since it is the beginning of summer :-)), dine and wine (soft drinks for her of course) and then pressie time. We will take our time in doing everyday that day.... it is a day of leisure. We will share our thoughts, tell jokes, share secrets and just the 2 of us; mother and daughter spending time together. But, this year...... all I can do is to send her the presents and birthday wishes through post :(

My plan though is to get a cake and sing birthday song to her over Skype. I hope she likes that idea too! I have lots of goodies in the package for her- they involved all her favourite characters like BRATZ, Barbie, Disney Princess, High School Musical...... and a very cool looking MP3 player (I don't even own 1! LOL), and most of all a note book consist of beautiful wishes from everyone.


The cool Mickey Mouse MP3 Player

It is her 8th Birthday, I can't believe how fast she is growing. In no time she will be a lady, then a woman, then someone's wife and then a mother herself! OMGosh! But, she will always, ALWAYS be my baby!

I love you Darling, my wish to you on your 8th Birthday is that you will enjoy you birthday to the utmost even without me there. I pray that the Lord will continue to guide and lead you through all the years ahead and preserving you for His Kingdom.

Fortune Cookies

For Elsie's birthday last year, we celebrated with her @ d'Fortune (Manjalara). The best thing about that restaurant is it comes with FOC fortune cookies. So, while you are eagerly waiting for your dinner , you can enjoy the fortune cookies and have a great laugh..... (I have to say, the best way to read the fortune and be silly about it is to add "in bed" at the end of the sentence, try it!)

The limitation to this cookies is- 1 per person. So, when you are really really hungry and you are still waiting for your food..... what else can you do???? My brilliant Serenity did a wonderful job that night- she has the best strategy amongst us.................. BE FRIEND WITH THE WAITRESS! And it works! She gave her sweetest, most amazing smile to the waitress; saying "more please" while pointing at the wrapper of fortune cookies..... and BAM! We got another basket full of cookies, for free.

So, the next time when you are in a restaurant and still waiting for your meal even after all the laughs you had (reading the fortune out loud and ends with "in bed"), smile at the waiters.... you might score another round of cookies :-) It works for Serenity, it might work for you too!

Moral of the story:- Smile! It will bring you more than what you expected....

LUCKY

As any other kids, our 1st influence is from the closest people in our lives. I am proud to say that K & S listen to my kind of music :-) We love to goof around when our favorite song is on air (mainly listening to radio in the car, since TV will be our top choice at home :-P). We sing along, we dance (that is really up to you imagination on how we do that while strapped down by the seat belts.... LOL), we even harmonize and we of course sing parts (when it is a duet!).

Our all time favorite is by Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat - LUCKY

Do you hear me? I'm taking to you
Across the water, across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, Oh my baby I'm trying

Boy (gals) I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

And so I'm sailing through (flying across) the sea (in September..... yahooooooo)
To an island (NZ) where we'll meet
You hear the music feel the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty, you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here, right now

Lucky we're in love in every way

We even dance to this song while video conferencing.... it is so much fun!

I am indeed lucky and blessed to have you both little princess in my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iraoHE6JlY

Video Calling

I talked to the girls everyday.... oh well! I try to anyway. At times, when the girls are busy watching TV or playing, this is the response I usually get "Can you call back later, we are not ready to talk today!" LOL..... I almost have to make appointment to talk to them.

If that happened, I will usually just have the web cam on and just watch them. Watch them play, watch them walk around the house, watch them hawking over the TV, cook, smile, run, hit each other then apologies, then hugs and kisses............. it is almost like the old time, the only diff is- I wanna feel them, hug them, smell them kiss them......

I love them to bits and what I am getting now (watching and talking to them over Skype), I am happy! Till we meet again in September, my princesses..... I will hold and kiss and hugs you so, so much!

Following the "school" steps

I am really thankful and amazed with the technology. It has definitely brings our world smaller and closer..... Here are some link you can go to if you want to follow the princesses' "school" steps.

Hope you enjoy them as much as I do:-

Keisha's class
http://lssrm18.blogspot.com

Serenity's class
http://www.lssrm6.blogspot.com

This is their school website:
http://www.lyttonstreet.school.nz

Star Certificate

Serenity has been trying to settle in NZ for over a month now. She is trying to fit in and find a spot for herself! For the first couple of weeks, she was home with her Daddy while Keisha was in school. She doesn't know her Daddy well and not able to verbalized her wish, it has been a very difficult time for them both.

At 1 stage she was beside herself, this usually happen when she's sick and after a few doses of the sedative medications. However, for this time round; she was besides herself due to the adjustments she needs making.

Everything that shows her independence thus far is flying out the window! She starts to pee on her pants over and over again (which she apologized profusely after- it means she knows it was wrong but somehow just can't help it!). She need to be put on diaper all day long again! She has no enthusiasm in doing anything by and for herself, she eats with her hands and etc. When I got to know that from David, I was questioning my decision of letting her go to a brand new environment without me....... once again I am walking down the guilt trip and wish I have been there for my little baby.

After saying all that.....Ladies and gentlemen, Serenity once again prove to us that she "BOLEH!" She came home yesterday with a "Start Certificate". A recognition given by her class teacher to kids whom has done something out of the ordinarily but good. Serenity danced and sang in class! (Kudos to all the teachers and helpers from CPK! She got all the training from there.) To top that, she went to the toilet by herself yesterday, without needing anyone to remind her and without anyone's help. Serenity has found her spot! She has finally adjusted to her new home, new school, new friends and her "new" family in NZ.

Serenity baby! Mummy is so proud of you. Keep your contagious smiles and keep fighting your way through..... I am here for you. I love you, cheeky pie.

Visiting the Moo Moo

The one thing that made me fell in love with NZ is the fresh air and never ending landscaping. Down in Feilding (about 2 hour drive North of Wellington), where the girls are now, they have a few relatives who own farms. 2 weeks ago- 23rd May, the girls went and pay a visit at the farm; for the first time.

They put on their colourful strippy binnies, they warm jackets, gloves and most importantly- princess and heartprint gumboots (the coolest pair I have ever seen :-P). Being so wet and cold in NZ now, you would not be able to walk around the farm without these boots. The ground is wet and muddy. The boots keep your feet warm and dry!

1st stop, they went and see some moo moo drinking milk. Keisha was the brave one, she was over the fence with 4 little calfs while the farm keeper poured some milk into the feeding tub. These tubs are attached with nipples, so the calfs can suck from them. Keisha gave the moo moo some stroking and patting while they enjoy the feeding.

Serenity was a bit apprehensive in the begining, but after seeing how much fun her big sister was having, she then asked politely with a 'PLEASE' to also touch the calves. She was on the other side of the gate in no time and joing Keisha enjoying the calves.

While walking around the farm, very soon Keisha is making friend with the farm dog. She was chasing one of the dogs, patting and carrying him around. I have never seen Keisha this way, she has always been a cat lover but not so much of a dog fan. I guess the dogs in Malaysia barks for no reason at all, and that always drive the kids away.

This is the first time ever the girls are out in the natural, being with the animals. They enjoyed the space, running around the big farm and learning about animals for half a day. Even though the day was a bit cold, but that trip is more than worth it. Their Daddy managed to put a lot of smiles on these 2 girls face :-) with those cool boots!

The Test

As you know after delivery, we Chinese will have to be confined at home for a month. It is to give our body time to recover from all the stress and shock we encouter during the delivery. I was lucky to be staying with Mum when I had Serenity. Mum cooked and took really good care of us despite her slow movement (Mum has Parkinson decease). Thanks MOTHER!


Being at home was nice, but it could get really bored as well. So, other than taking care of my newborn, the rest of the time, all I want is to have friends and relatives to come see me. And they did :-D!


Everyone that came has a little piece of advice for me, especially when I have a special baby with me. When Peggy came, and after hearing the horrifying story I encountered in the hospital. She suggested we should have Serenity tested out by the only genealogist in Malaysia(Doctor who is expert in genes). Since she know the doctor, she offer to make an appointment for us and we are greatful for that. So very greatful!


When we were in the hospital, we were surrounded by families with special children and most of them are DS. A lot of these children have tubes hanging out of them. The parents looked haggered and weary..... these children are in and out of the hospital at least once a month. NOTE TO ALL: most DS children are borned with weak heart, lungs, bad eye sights, bad hearing and etc. This is mainly because their are not well developed during pregnancy. But, when I look at Serenity, I can only thank GOD. She is a healthy strong baby and surrounded with lots of people who love her!

After we were called into the doc's room, he examined Serenity very carefully (she was about 10 weeks old then). He looked at her features, her palms and her feet. Then very calmly he told us, with his 1st stage of examination, she is 97% confirmed as DS. However, he prefered to have a blood test done. We agreed to that immediately,

It was an awful experience to get Serenity's blood sample. Since her veins are not proper developed yet (this is to all babies), they have to draw the blood out from the vein that is near to her fingers knucle with a really tiny tube. Serenity screamed with pain and shock when they put the needle to her vein...... My heart was aching so badly. My baby was crying her lungs out and there was no way I could make her feel better but to just hold and strok her. There was nothing more I could have done.........but to cry with her. The blood drip really slowly (litteraly, 1 drop at a time), the process took forever (it lasted for at least 45min), before they managed to get enough blood for the test.

We went back there 2 weeks later and the doc told us that the blood test came back positve. It shows that Serenity has 1 more chromosome, chromosome 21- Human being will have 46 chromosomes all together, 23 from mum and 23 from dad. For DS babies, they have 1 more chromosome attached to every of their chromosome no. 21, that is why you can see some similarity features amongst the DS children. The doctor explain thoroughly to us on our next steps: more tests to take, where to get support and help.

Serenity is now 5 and a half, she does has a weaker lungs, but over all she is healthier than ever. So far, her heart, eyesight and hearing are doing well. She is running and learning to hop on 1 leg at the moment (everyhting is a learning curve to her, even those things that comes naturally to everyone else).

I thank you for all your prayers and support. I believe the Lord has given me this task and I also believe He is carrying me through it. She is now in living in NZ, a country where all other parts of the world look to when it comes to DS' issues. I am thankful the Lord has open this door for Serenity to be there, to get the best help. She now has at least 3 therapists monitoring her progress (all FOC!): Motor skill, speech and psychiatrist. I believe in no time, Serenity will be chatting with me on Skype, having a great conversation and I am able to understand every single thing she has to tell me!

For Serenity............ Keep on praying

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8oIuwB8LyA&feature=related (this video tells it all, have a look. Though it is not featuring Serenity, but it is a wonderful message to all)

My Peace, My Joy

Serenity was taken away to be checked up after my delivery. She was taken away even before I had a chance to lay my eyes on her. I told David to follow the nurse (I heard too many stupid story about hospitals not handling babies well), to make sure everything is OK.

While David was out there with Baby S, a nurse ran into the delivery room and told the mid-wife that they might have a "down". I asked the mid- wife what was going on and said "She is not talking about my baby right?"down"? Does that men Down Syndrome?". The mid- wife pacified me and told me that nothing is confirmed since the pead is still checking. I was so overwhelm with what was happening and I snapped and said "Then she should keep her mouth shut till things are certain!" I mean come on, I was still lying on the delivery bed, being cleaned up and all by the mid- wife..... do they not teach "taking care of your patient emotion" in their nursing classes? Why would they want to scare a new mum like that??!!!!!!

Minutes later, David came into the room, held my hands and told me that doc said the baby might be Down Syndrome (DS). I looked at him, not even sure what was going in my mind at that moment. As if it has stopped functioning, not able to think or absorb anything that was happening around me. The only thing I remember asking was, how sure was he if he didn't conduct any tests?!

I was wheeled to my room with another 6 women, some with their babies and some are waiting for delivery. Soon, my family got the news of my newborn.... news about Baby S is DS. Almost everyone rush to see us during visiting hours and prayed with us. Everyone looked at Baby S and said, she looks perfect! It really doesn't matter if she is perfect or not, all I know is that no matter what happen............ she is MINE!

Doctor woke me up @ bloody 11pm to talk about Baby S condition (11 bloody pm, can you imagine that!) He told me he is certain even without test that she is DS, he is trained in this field and he could tell just by looking at her. I told him, I still prefer to have test done. He then made the most awful, disgusting remark "Just look at you baby, don't you think there is something wrong with her?!" I looked at him calmly and said, "NOPE! she looks like my little precious baby girl!". I stood up and walked away.

You would think that is the end of an awful incident! The following morning, 2 Malay ladies with tudung cam by my bed and asked me to sign some forms, telling me they are from social welfare. I asked them what were those forms for? They said there are for adoption. ADOPTION!!!!!! who ordered that? They said, the doctors (how could I not know, it is that stupid, arrogant doc again!) I told the ladies to leave immediately, I never had any intention of giving my baby away! EVER!

We stayed in the hospital for about a week, Baby S wasn't feeding well. She sleeps all day and all night long, even through feeding time. She was peaceful at all time, no crying, no sound from her... she just sleeps all the time. That is why we named her- SERENITY.

Serenity was taken into GH for another check up, this time it is a proper one with a "proper" doctor who went through those "emotional course". Who is aware of how hard it is for the family. He was really gentle and sensitive throughout, diagnosed her and confirmed that she is DS with a blood test (I will talk more about the test they ran in a new blog).

This doc advised us on where to get help for Serenity, told us about early intervention development course for her. What kind of check up she needs and at what point.... He is 200 folds more helpful.

I have been with Serenity from that day on. January 10, 2004. I am still with her. Though not physically (since she is living with her big sister, Keisha and her Daddy in NZ), but there is without a day, I don't think of her. Anytime of the day, I have her smile in my mind. That innocent, most sincere smile. The kind of smile that will just lift everything off your shoulder. No matter how hard or how bad the day was. All I need to do is to think of that smile. And I will smile too. Serenity......................... my peace, my joy :-)

My little "Big Girl"

Keisha has a very big heart. The one thing that worried her the most when she knew she is moving to live with her Dad is that I might not be able to sleep at night without them. Can you imagine that, a 7 and a half year old girl has to worry about her mummy of the possibility of facing insomnia?

She is a "big girl" in many sense (though she will always be my baby). She stands up for her little sister a lot (I mean A LOT!). When she was about 5 years old, we invited a friend of hers over to our place for playtime. Serenity can only crawl around then. Keisha was building something with her friend at the corner of the lounge, the next thing we could hear was things falling down..... You guessed it, Serenity the destroyer has played lumberjack on the architectural creation of her big sis and friend!

Keisha's friend was furious, she screamed at Serenity and keep pushing her away :-( Then the big sister stepped in. She looked at her friend calmly, while hugging her sis and said " You know, Serenity is a special child. You need to be patient with her. She will learn, may be not now, but she will learn..... so you cannot shout and her and push here away, but you need to be patient and teach her!". I was SO PROUD of my little "big girl"!

Now that she is with her Serenity in NZ, I am sure my little "little girl" (Serenity) is in the good hands of my little "big girl"

Daughters

John Mayer wrote a song about "Daughter". Funny enough he is not even married, let alone having any kids. I am always amaze and admire people who has such great imagination- writing something they don't even have any experience about and yet so precise! How then can he express so well about "her"?

This is part of what he wrote:
I know a girl she puts the color inside of my world She's just like a maze, where all of the walls all continually change And I've done all I can to stand on the the steps, with my heart in my hands Now I started to think maybe it's got nothing at all to do with me

My princesses did exactly that when I have them in my arms for the first time, at all time I feel that they have put color inside my world. Different color every time under different circumstances. The palate only they can create, so unique, so precious, so joyful...... and with so much love.

My princesses are living in NZ with their Daddy now. It is definitely the hardest decision I ever had to make. I am so sure when I let them go, I am doing the best I can to give them a better life. I hope I am still right!

I miss them so much, every little thing remind me of them. The shop that I passed by, it reminded me of how Keisha will ask if she can go in and try something out and promised she will not buy a thing (we usually ended up buying something... even if it is really small, like a hair clip). KFC that is near my place, reminds me of Serenity. She gets really excited whenever we pass by it. Yes! She loves KFC. The littlest thing in my life will bring tears to my eyes, because I miss my princesses so much.

We launched a new TV show last week. The director and his wife (the writer) brought their little girl along. She is same age as Keisha and has long, dark brown, curly hair like Keisha. She was sitting on her mummy's lap and having a cuddle..... Oh, how I wish I have my little girls on my lap and doing the "group hug" session (this is something that we often do to show our love to each other- the "GROUP HUG")

I really thank God for the technology. It does still keep my distance shorter with my girls. We talk everyday on skype or MSN. But, how I wish I can have virtual skype or MSN. I wanna smell them, touch them, stroke their hair, kiss them and hug them tightly. I just miss them so much!