Princess Sterling Diary

IF I COULD.... YES, I WOULD

2010-10-04T12:07:00.003+02:00

Stumbled upon this song yesterday, watching Celine Dion live in Las Vegas on TV. This is so such a perfect song to let my daughters know what I feel.

Love you my beloved Keisha and my peacful Serenity

If I could
I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
Give you courage in a world of compromise
Yes, I would

If I could
I would teach you all the things I've never learned
And I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
Yes, I would

If I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
But the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow
So I could let you go

If I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears
But I would
If I could

If I live
In a time and place where you don't want to be
You don't have to walk along this road with me
My yesterday
Won't have to be your way

If I knew
I'd would try to change the world I brought to you to

And there isn't very much that I can do
But I would
If I could...
oh baby... I just want to protect you
and help my baby through the hungry years
cause you're part of me
and if you ever... ever need
I said a shoulder to cry on
Or just someone to talk to
I'll be there... I'll be there
I didn't change your world
but I would
If I Could!

Happy 9th Birthday my BELOVED

2010-06-22T19:11:00.003+02:00

June 16th, 2001
I have been telling myself for weeks now that I can't wait to have you out, not only because I weigh tonnes and have not experience a comfortable position on sitting, standing or lying down. It is more of after so many months of being so intimately connected with you by that little umbilical cord; I can't wait to see you face to face, holding you in my arms and telling you how much I love you. I can't wait to hear that little voice of yours, playing with your little fingers and toes. And just giving all the love I can ever give... only to you!

June 23rd, 2001
It was 4am and I am still tossing and turning, trying to find a perfect position with my more than gigantic size stomach for sleeping. Not only I can't find a good position; you were moving around in me more than the usual. Almost like you are trying to kick yourself out of me! I remembered being so irritated and shouted to you though my tummy "YOU EITHER COME OUT NOW, OR YOU BETTER GO TO SLEEP!" The next thing I knew, my water broke and that was your way of saying "I AM READY TO COME OUT NOW!"

I did not experience any pain till 1pm (after the inducing) and you were out to great me and the world @ around 4pm. You looked so tiny, you are more beautiful than I can ever imagine. I heard your first cry and I knew immediately you are going to grow up to be a strong, beautiful and wonderful person.

June 23rd, 2010
Today, it's your 9th Birthday. I want you to know, even though I am not there with you physically, to hold you in my arms; to look you in the eyes; to tell you that I love you in person. Please know that my mind and my heart have never left you even for 1 second. You are ALWAYS, ALWAYS loved. Our physical distance is never making me love you less, but ALWAYS, ALWAYS more!

I am sorry I can't be with you 2nd year in a roll to celebrate your birthday. But, I am sure you will still enjoy your special day to the utmost with your friends and family in NZ.

I love you, please never doubt that. I would never ever stop loving you, no matter what happen. I am you mummy and you are my baby. And that is a fact, nothing is going to ever change that. I am here for you, ALWAYS. I will lover you, ALWAYS.

I pray on this special day of yours, the Lord will continue to pour His Spirit upon you, guiding, leading, teaching and preserving you for His Kingdom. I pray that His blessing will be abundant and overflowing for the rest of your days. I pray you will ALWAYS remember the first love you have for Him and that your passion will grow in HIM.

Happy 9th Birthday my BELOVED, my KEISHA

Bed time

2010-05-12T16:35:00.006+02:00

Bed time to a lot of people is just rolling over and snore. However, bed time for me and the girls are more than that. It's a time that I enjoyed the most. It's a time of waking up in the morning, looking into each others eyes, feeling the love we have for each other and laughing silly for no particular reason at all. It's a time before we close our eyes, saying "au revoir" to the good day we had and knowing there is someone loving you so much even in your sleep.

Princess S, she is usually the first to wake up in the morning amongst the 3 of us. However, she has this incredible bed-manners.... she will put her head back down to her pillow if she saw K & I are still snoring away. I usually pretend to sleep, wanting to know if she is up to any mischief thinking that I was still asleep, but NO... she will lie down there quietly till I go "Hey Serenity, GOOD MORNING.... do you want to jump into bed next to me?" You will then see that instant million dollars smile on her face, sparkle in her eyes saying "YUP!". Next thing you know she is snuggling under my arms, allowing me to wrap her up like an extra pillow. Her fresh morning scent is what I like to smell. I will usually give her a peck on the cheek and sniff behind her ears... that always throws her into a laughing spasm (it really take very little for her to laugh or smile, & I love her for that... she makes me laugh and smile by doing that)... this laughter to us is our "action" of telling each other "I LOVE YOU!".. with this "love" we usually wake K up and sharing more love... This is usually how we wake up in the weekend (weekdays though is usually more hectic, since it is usually "rush hour")

Princess K, on the other hand, do not like to go to bed. To her, somehow means she is missing out on a lot of her imaginary "exciting stuffs" the adults are enjoying after she goes to bed. She will usually beg and beg and beg for me to stay in bed with her for a while after bed time story and even after S is snoring away.

This, however is a priceless time. This is the time where Princess K will open up herself and telling things which she usually will keep so deeply in her heart.... it's our "secrets" time :-) She will usually pour her feeling out and telling me things that she will not tell anyone else. "It's our secret" she said, and I believe her.

This time round in NZ, I enjoyed these moments so immensely. They bring joy and closeness to all 3 of us. 1 same bedroom with 3 different fuzzy warm feelings. Can't wait for the next session....I love our bed time....

Skateboarding- S style

2010-04-11T00:37:00.006+02:00

I know K has been a great sister since day 1. She has a lot of patient with S when it comes to teaching her tricks :-)

We are staying with my best friend in Auckland - Jen. She has a full household of kids (4 of them, plus mine... a total of 6 :-s) However, the kids are having a blast spending time and having fun with each other. They are heaps of toys to enjoy around the house. But, you guessed it, kids always want those toys they can't get their hands on and there is never enough of the same kind to go around.

Since S is one of the youngest, she almost missed out or get left out everytime. She would like to go on the scooters like the rest of the more grown up kids, but being this really "Kia -Si" (afraid to die) Mum; I really rather she does not. Anyway, there is not enough scooters to go round! K came up with this brilliant idea, she taught S to have fun with a baby skateboard. Promising her that it will be as much fun as the scooter.

But, what I really wanted to stress here is how touched I was seeing the patient K has. It took her almost 15min to convinced S that she will have as much fun. Then another 10 to explain, demonstrate and making sure S know how to use the skateboard. Did S get all that "FUN" at the end??? YES!!!Here is the video to tell it all!

The Day

2010-04-04T06:26:00.005+02:00

This is the day I have been waiting for, 6 whole months... to just have those girls wrapped around my arms and giving them as much kisses as I would like!

After the 8886km of traveling from KLIA to Auckland airport that lasted just a little bit more than 10 hours, I am finally here at Te Aroha.... AUCKLAND, New Zealand~ where my girls will be meeting me after 7 hours of driving from Feilding. Again, they were not in the airport arrival hall when I arrived. My imaginations of having them running to my arms once I arrived at the arrival hall.......

I waited for about 10 minutes, too tired to be standing and waiting.... I was about to sit on the floor with the piles of goodies I have for my princesses.... there, I saw my 2 little big girls running towards me, with smiles so big and arms stretched out so wide ready for a big huge hug.

Tickets to Auckland, RMxxxx..... accommodation, RMxxxx.....To see the smiles on my princesses face.... PRICELESS!

More Than Words

2010-03-29T04:37:00.003+02:00

I am a believer in saying "I LOVE YOU" I think this 3 words is not used enough. But then, action speaks louder than words!!! My little Princess K & S, I remind myself everyday that saying I love you is not enough, especially when you are so far away from me.

I chose to love you with action and not only with words. But, during this period while we are apart, I really hope you accept me saying "I love you". I promise I will act it out as much as I could with any opportunity that I have.

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words

Sister's Dancer

2010-03-24T10:57:00.003+01:00

Keisha has always been a girly- girl. She likes pink, long hair, wearing dresses, make-up, glitters and all things you can think of what girls would like.

For Serenity's birthday, her present to S is - DANCE. She requested for a streamer set, and she looked up dance steps in youtube. Learning from the clips, choreographed and performed for her little sis, Serenity on her 6th birthday.

I always appreciate gifts which money can't buy. We always say "it's the thought that counts". In this case, it really is. She took the initiative, the time to practice and most of all, she dance with love for Serenity.

Keisha, I am always amazed on how much affection and love you have in you. You are always thinking of others, making others happy and feel good. I am so proud of you my Princess K. Keep it up..... " Giving is better than receiving"

Ready to Learn

2010-03-24T10:46:00.003+01:00

This is what I am talking about. My Princess S ROCKS! She got an award from school again. This time round she is being awarded as "BEING READY TO LEARN!" That is the attitude I have been talking about in my last post about her. She aspire to learn.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!

Summer day

2010-03-23T04:00:00.005+01:00

My Princess K is A-O-K! I visited her last year in September and she was trying to ride a bike @ The Salmon's (our host during our stay in Auckland) without training wheel. She did not have a lot of time to practice since everyone was trying to have a go.

A month later, this video was sent to me.... Brilliant!

Romote Control

2010-03-22T09:07:00.006+01:00

A friend just posted this on her FB and is cracking me up... LOL.... LOL....

"I think this remote is broken. I've pushed pause, power, sleep, mute, volume, nothing works! I don't understand! I'm pointing it right at the children!:)"

As parents our lifestyle changed tremendously, it started from the day the baby is conceived! This little bundle of joy changes the parents physically (applicable mainly only to mums), mentally, financially, no more coffee, tea, cold meat, seafood etc etc....in fact the world actually changes from round to square and back again......if you know what I mean.... the change is HUGE!!!!

I have put away my remote control for almost a year now. Every now and then I still use it via the phone, or internet. Reminding them gently that parents have super powers, though I can't see them.... but somehow I know what they are up to (it always creeps me out and wonders how my mum managed to do that when I was young).

The thing is, as a child I never understand why I can't have all the freedom I want and to do the things I love. Why are my parents (and my older siblings)always pointing the remote control at me. Instructing me to "mute", "pause", "play", "standby" and so on. Now, being a mum of 2, I finally understood the remote control is powered with love. Every time a button is presses, it's out of love.

Power on parents.... Make sure the remote is fully charged, so that when you point the remote at any of your chid... it channels love more than anything else :-)

Corinthians 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Princess S 6th Birthday

2010-03-22T05:38:00.007+01:00

Serenity first birthday celebration without me.....

Looking at her reminds me of how blessed I am and at the same time how much I took things for granted. When it comes to learning, I get to pick and choose... I complain when things don't go my ways, I murmured when things get a little tough. But, for my little Serenity, she has to learn to be independent, to survive, and to fit it.......above all these, she does it with joy!

She has come such a long way; every growing process for a child that comes naturally is a task to her. She needs to be taught every step of the way from drinking, lifting her head, rolling over,sitting, crawling, standing and walking. My Serenity conquered them all!!!

She is now 6,I really can't believe it.She is able to do all the above plus running, kicking a ball, putting puzzle together, even talking (still more like baby talk,but she is working very hard),singing and dancing. Through all these years, with all these tasks that she is learning little by little; with lots of patient & perseverance, she never, ever give up. She is such a strong little girl that she will always try first before even allowing anyone to help.

She celebrated her 6th Birthday with family and friends in NZ, first a party @ McDonald's then ends with Nana homemade cake at home. Looking at the photos, I am sure she is so very proud of herself and so am I!

I love you my dearest Serenity... Jia Yu in everything that you have your mind set upon. May the Lord keep guide, lead and preserve you for His kingdom.

When I see you again.....

2010-03-22T05:07:00.004+01:00

To see you again after so many months in person brought me so much joy. When I arrived at Palmerston Airport, my eyes went straight to the waiting lounge and hoping to get a glimpse of you. I could not find you, I was anxious and started to wonder how I might feel when I see you again.

I saw you walking through that automatic door, my face beamed with joy. The smile on your face, I will never forget. That smile, it's speak so much. It tells me you are as joyful as I am, how much you have been missing me and long to see me and be with me. It also tells me of your love to me.... I can't help but cry when I held you. I was telling myself not to, because it's suppose to be a very very happy moment. I love you too much to be away from you for that long.

The hardest part of you not being around me, it's not only how much I am missing you.... but also because I am not sure how you feel about not living with me anymore. I almost did not give you a choice. All I did is let you know that this is the best solution for us right now. It's almost I have chuffed this on you and I am sorry...... if this is against your will.

It's has been a trip I walk every single day... asking myself if I am making the right decision for letting both of you go.... even it's only temporarily. I know I will be missing so much! I am so sure when you are with me, I might not be able to make you feeling happy every moment of the day; but I am sure I can make you feel better when you are not having a good day!

I miss having you around..... having you talking to me non stop about your day, about your friends, about what you have done, I miss every little bit of things about you.

I LOVE YOU.... please always remember that

The crown of glory

2009-09-11T04:31:00.015+02:00

Both my little princesses were born with very little hair. I am jealous of seeing newborn with luscious hair(even now that my girls have lots of hair :-p).

Let's talk about Keisha first- She was born with hair so fine and so little, I was almost afraid that she will forever looking like a little boy. That is why I always dressed her up with dresses or in pink or putting a little hair clip on.(even so, people will still asked "it that a boy?"........ I mean.... common.... HELLO!!!!!)

It took her 5 years to finally got her crown of glory. Only when she was around 4, her hair started to grow thicker and all of a sudden longer. She has got natural curly hair. It's really beautiful, the hair only start curling after shoulder length, it is those kind of curls a lot of us women could only dream of.

As usual the "older" folks will ask me to cut her hair off, just because they can't see the beauty through all the messiness (you know, the "just waking up look"). But to be fair, K doesn't like to tie her hair up and because of the curls, it is hard comb through, let alone keeping them looking tidy and neat. At times, it can be frustrating looking at her pretty face with this almost dreadlocks looking hairstyle :-)

So, after many months or even years of nagging by her aunt.... she in return nagging me every day for 2 weeks to have her hair cut. I finally gave in. Before the chopping, I asked her over and over and over again "ARE YOU SURE?", " Why don't we just trim a little?"...... It was over in less than 5 min, her 5 year old virgin hair is cut.... I almost cried. It was as if I have nurture those hair for 5 long years and within that 5 short minutes... they are all gone!!!!!!

The story does not end here. She is to perform in her graduation concert - Indian style dance...... she needs her long hair to look like one! The next day in school, her teacher were all shocked! Except of course the aunt who so nicely nagged her was celebrating her "victory" for the fact that K finally cut her hair off. But, within second, her aunt remembered the concert..... wahahahahahahahahaha........... I told her to sort it out herself, I am not buying a wig for K, that is for sure!!!!

But now, my Princess K has gained her crown of glory back..... and she vows to keep them really really long and never to cut them off that short ever again. YES!!!!

Now, onto Princess Serenity.

She too is born with really fine and little hair. The difference is, her hair is much darker and dead straight. It is almost like she had done hair re-bonding.

S is lucky to have a baby sitter that will trimmed her hair every now and then, especially here fringe. I did it a few time, and I have to say.... I did a terrible job :-( I always cut them too short, but my usual excuse "it is IN and I don't have to cut them that often!"

S has really long hair too, falling straight down till below her shoulder blades. She on the other hand, likes her hair to be tied up (at least I tried to keep her that way). She looks really cute with her pony tail.

Being an adventurous little girl, she did cut her own hair once. I did not notice that till I comb her hair.... so, I guess that was a job well done from her side!!?? :-)And then.............. she did it again in NZ, this time is really serious. She twirled her hair so bad with a pair of scissors, she managed to dreadlocks them (please refer to pic). Her Nana had no choice but to cut them off..... my little Princess S is making a lot of these "old people" very very happy.... but this mummy really really sad :-(

I always like to have my hair long when I was little. Since I was not allowed, I guess I am living my dream of my kids (aahhhh, the beauty of parenting):-P. However, I also believe in liberating the kids and let them have their own way. So, my Princess K & S. You are allowed to choose you own style for your crown of glory when you are.... hmmmmmm.... let me think..... 80!!!!! Muahahahahahahahah (evil smile with the pinky on the bottom lip)

These little moments

2009-09-09T15:24:00.005+02:00

When I was working as makeup artistes in NZ, I was lucky to be working with a cosmetic giant and granted with a whole range of their make up. Seasons after seasons, my make up box is full with different types of eye shadows, lipsticks, blushers, in all shades and all textures. It was a great feeling when I popped the box open in the morning and looking at these lovely, pretty things.

BUT, the most wonderful thing of all is hearing my little a year plus old princess Keisha tattling down the hall way, joining me in my room to find out how I would do my make up that day.

I like sharing these little moment with her. These are precious moments I treasure. It seems like a normal morning, me getting ready for work.... and my little girl staring at me..... paying close attention to what I was doing, looking at me with her wondering eye.... the admiration.... the "I hope I can be like that" look.... I know no one else will give me that kind of look but her because I look at her the same way too- we reflect each other. And I like that.

Since then, my little Princess Keisha know a lot more about make up then other kids her age. She is aware of what to put on which part of her face. She often makes Serenity her model and they will put make up on each other. The moment of mother and daughter has now became the moment of sister and sister. I know they treasure these moments they share as much as me treasuring those little moments I have with them.

I am going to see my little princess soon, and will be making more moments!

Keisha Birthday celebration

2009-07-03T04:48:00.009+02:00

Singing birthday song to her..... Keisha showing me off to her friends :-) Serenity wearing the hallow I bought them... My angel

Keisha celebrated her 8th birthday on the 23rd June after school with her 7 of her school friends. I was talking to her on Skype that day and singing birthday song to her with her friends help. I am happy that she is enjoying herself and having so many new friends in such short time.

My Darling, I pray that you will continue to grow stronger not only physically but spiritually in HIM. May HE be you guide and peace..............

Happy 8th Birthday!!

Somewhere Out There

2009-06-18T10:20:00.002+02:00

This is one of my all time favourite song. Whenever I am away from home, I know someone out there is thinking of me and loving me a lot.

My dear Princess, I am dedicating this song to you...... Please remember, I am loving you everyday, every night, every minute of the day. Although we are thousands of miles away, but we are sleeping under the same blue sky and wishing on the same bright star. I miss you and love you even more!

Somewhere Out There...
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big s

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-AQGq5q6pk

Trailer fun

2009-06-17T04:35:00.000+02:00

The girls are definitely enjoying their time in NZ. They having the option of being outdoor whenever they want to. When they were living in KL, they are mostly being confined in my humble abode of 986 square meters! Since this "Kia Si" (scare to die) mummy is too protective; the furthest they are allowed to go without me is at the long and narrow corridor of my apartment. (So, if they ever tell you they have a deprived childhood, you should know where they get it from :-s)

Here is a video clip of them enjoying themselves in a trailer.... being tipped up and down by their Dad :-) Great fun!

Birthday.....

2009-06-16T11:04:00.001+02:00

Keisha's birthday is just around the corner, 23/6 to be exact. I won't be there to celebrate with her, and that saddens me. This is the very first birthday of hers whereby I won't be there to celebrate with her. For the past years, I used to take a day off and just spend the day with her. Just the 2 of us.

We usually go for movie (usually good movie, since it is the beginning of summer :-)), dine and wine (soft drinks for her of course) and then pressie time. We will take our time in doing everyday that day.... it is a day of leisure. We will share our thoughts, tell jokes, share secrets and just the 2 of us; mother and daughter spending time together. But, this year...... all I can do is to send her the presents and birthday wishes through post :(

My plan though is to get a cake and sing birthday song to her over Skype. I hope she likes that idea too! I have lots of goodies in the package for her- they involved all her favourite characters like BRATZ, Barbie, Disney Princess, High School Musical...... and a very cool looking MP3 player (I don't even own 1! LOL), and most of all a note book consist of beautiful wishes from everyone.

The cool Mickey Mouse MP3 Player

It is her 8th Birthday, I can't believe how fast she is growing. In no time she will be a lady, then a woman, then someone's wife and then a mother herself! OMGosh! But, she will always, ALWAYS be my baby!

I love you Darling, my wish to you on your 8th Birthday is that you will enjoy you birthday to the utmost even without me there. I pray that the Lord will continue to guide and lead you through all the years ahead and preserving you for His Kingdom.

Fortune Cookies

2009-06-16T09:08:00.000+02:00

For Elsie's birthday last year, we celebrated with her @ d'Fortune (Manjalara). The best thing about that restaurant is it comes with FOC fortune cookies. So, while you are eagerly waiting for your dinner , you can enjoy the fortune cookies and have a great laugh..... (I have to say, the best way to read the fortune and be silly about it is to add "in bed" at the end of the sentence, try it!)

The limitation to this cookies is- 1 per person. So, when you are really really hungry and you are still waiting for your food..... what else can you do???? My brilliant Serenity did a wonderful job that night- she has the best strategy amongst us.................. BE FRIEND WITH THE WAITRESS! And it works! She gave her sweetest, most amazing smile to the waitress; saying "more please" while pointing at the wrapper of fortune cookies..... and BAM! We got another basket full of cookies, for free.

So, the next time when you are in a restaurant and still waiting for your meal even after all the laughs you had (reading the fortune out loud and ends with "in bed"), smile at the waiters.... you might score another round of cookies :-) It works for Serenity, it might work for you too!

Moral of the story:- Smile! It will bring you more than what you expected....

LUCKY

2009-06-16T08:14:00.002+02:00

As any other kids, our 1st influence is from the closest people in our lives. I am proud to say that K & S listen to my kind of music :-) We love to goof around when our favorite song is on air (mainly listening to radio in the car, since TV will be our top choice at home :-P). We sing along, we dance (that is really up to you imagination on how we do that while strapped down by the seat belts.... LOL), we even harmonize and we of course sing parts (when it is a duet!).

Our all time favorite is by Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat - LUCKY

Do you hear me? I'm taking to you
Across the water, across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, Oh my baby I'm trying

Boy (gals) I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

And so I'm sailing through (flying across) the sea (in September..... yahooooooo)
To an island (NZ) where we'll meet
You hear the music feel the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty, you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here, right now

Lucky we're in love in every way

We even dance to this song while video conferencing.... it is so much fun!

I am indeed lucky and blessed to have you both little princess in my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iraoHE6JlY

Video Calling

2009-06-16T06:03:00.000+02:00

I talked to the girls everyday.... oh well! I try to anyway. At times, when the girls are busy watching TV or playing, this is the response I usually get "Can you call back later, we are not ready to talk today!" LOL..... I almost have to make appointment to talk to them.

If that happened, I will usually just have the web cam on and just watch them. Watch them play, watch them walk around the house, watch them hawking over the TV, cook, smile, run, hit each other then apologies, then hugs and kisses............. it is almost like the old time, the only diff is- I wanna feel them, hug them, smell them kiss them......

I love them to bits and what I am getting now (watching and talking to them over Skype), I am happy! Till we meet again in September, my princesses..... I will hold and kiss and hugs you so, so much!

Following the "school" steps

2009-06-12T09:50:00.000+02:00

I am really thankful and amazed with the technology. It has definitely brings our world smaller and closer..... Here are some link you can go to if you want to follow the princesses' "school" steps.

Hope you enjoy them as much as I do:-

Keisha's class
http://lssrm18.blogspot.com

Serenity's class
http://www.lssrm6.blogspot.com

This is their school website:
http://www.lyttonstreet.school.nz

Star Certificate

2009-06-09T12:26:00.001+02:00

Serenity has been trying to settle in NZ for over a month now. She is trying to fit in and find a spot for herself! For the first couple of weeks, she was home with her Daddy while Keisha was in school. She doesn't know her Daddy well and not able to verbalized her wish, it has been a very difficult time for them both.

At 1 stage she was beside herself, this usually happen when she's sick and after a few doses of the sedative medications. However, for this time round; she was besides herself due to the adjustments she needs making.

Everything that shows her independence thus far is flying out the window! She starts to pee on her pants over and over again (which she apologized profusely after- it means she knows it was wrong but somehow just can't help it!). She need to be put on diaper all day long again! She has no enthusiasm in doing anything by and for herself, she eats with her hands and etc. When I got to know that from David, I was questioning my decision of letting her go to a brand new environment without me....... once again I am walking down the guilt trip and wish I have been there for my little baby.

After saying all that.....Ladies and gentlemen, Serenity once again prove to us that she "BOLEH!" She came home yesterday with a "Start Certificate". A recognition given by her class teacher to kids whom has done something out of the ordinarily but good. Serenity danced and sang in class! (Kudos to all the teachers and helpers from CPK! She got all the training from there.) To top that, she went to the toilet by herself yesterday, without needing anyone to remind her and without anyone's help. Serenity has found her spot! She has finally adjusted to her new home, new school, new friends and her "new" family in NZ.

Serenity baby! Mummy is so proud of you. Keep your contagious smiles and keep fighting your way through..... I am here for you. I love you, cheeky pie.

Visiting the Moo Moo

2009-06-07T09:01:00.000+02:00

The one thing that made me fell in love with NZ is the fresh air and never ending landscaping. Down in Feilding (about 2 hour drive North of Wellington), where the girls are now, they have a few relatives who own farms. 2 weeks ago- 23rd May, the girls went and pay a visit at the farm; for the first time.

They put on their colourful strippy binnies, they warm jackets, gloves and most importantly- princess and heartprint gumboots (the coolest pair I have ever seen :-P). Being so wet and cold in NZ now, you would not be able to walk around the farm without these boots. The ground is wet and muddy. The boots keep your feet warm and dry!

1st stop, they went and see some moo moo drinking milk. Keisha was the brave one, she was over the fence with 4 little calfs while the farm keeper poured some milk into the feeding tub. These tubs are attached with nipples, so the calfs can suck from them. Keisha gave the moo moo some stroking and patting while they enjoy the feeding.

Serenity was a bit apprehensive in the begining, but after seeing how much fun her big sister was having, she then asked politely with a 'PLEASE' to also touch the calves. She was on the other side of the gate in no time and joing Keisha enjoying the calves.

While walking around the farm, very soon Keisha is making friend with the farm dog. She was chasing one of the dogs, patting and carrying him around. I have never seen Keisha this way, she has always been a cat lover but not so much of a dog fan. I guess the dogs in Malaysia barks for no reason at all, and that always drive the kids away.

This is the first time ever the girls are out in the natural, being with the animals. They enjoyed the space, running around the big farm and learning about animals for half a day. Even though the day was a bit cold, but that trip is more than worth it. Their Daddy managed to put a lot of smiles on these 2 girls face :-) with those cool boots!

The Test

2009-06-07T06:39:00.000+02:00

As you know after delivery, we Chinese will have to be confined at home for a month. It is to give our body time to recover from all the stress and shock we encouter during the delivery. I was lucky to be staying with Mum when I had Serenity. Mum cooked and took really good care of us despite her slow movement (Mum has Parkinson decease). Thanks MOTHER!

Being at home was nice, but it could get really bored as well. So, other than taking care of my newborn, the rest of the time, all I want is to have friends and relatives to come see me. And they did :-D!

Everyone that came has a little piece of advice for me, especially when I have a special baby with me. When Peggy came, and after hearing the horrifying story I encountered in the hospital. She suggested we should have Serenity tested out by the only genealogist in Malaysia(Doctor who is expert in genes). Since she know the doctor, she offer to make an appointment for us and we are greatful for that. So very greatful!

When we were in the hospital, we were surrounded by families with special children and most of them are DS. A lot of these children have tubes hanging out of them. The parents looked haggered and weary..... these children are in and out of the hospital at least once a month. NOTE TO ALL: most DS children are borned with weak heart, lungs, bad eye sights, bad hearing and etc. This is mainly because their are not well developed during pregnancy. But, when I look at Serenity, I can only thank GOD. She is a healthy strong baby and surrounded with lots of people who love her!

After we were called into the doc's room, he examined Serenity very carefully (she was about 10 weeks old then). He looked at her features, her palms and her feet. Then very calmly he told us, with his 1st stage of examination, she is 97% confirmed as DS. However, he prefered to have a blood test done. We agreed to that immediately,

It was an awful experience to get Serenity's blood sample. Since her veins are not proper developed yet (this is to all babies), they have to draw the blood out from the vein that is near to her fingers knucle with a really tiny tube. Serenity screamed with pain and shock when they put the needle to her vein...... My heart was aching so badly. My baby was crying her lungs out and there was no way I could make her feel better but to just hold and strok her. There was nothing more I could have done.........but to cry with her. The blood drip really slowly (litteraly, 1 drop at a time), the process took forever (it lasted for at least 45min), before they managed to get enough blood for the test.

We went back there 2 weeks later and the doc told us that the blood test came back positve. It shows that Serenity has 1 more chromosome, chromosome 21- Human being will have 46 chromosomes all together, 23 from mum and 23 from dad. For DS babies, they have 1 more chromosome attached to every of their chromosome no. 21, that is why you can see some similarity features amongst the DS children. The doctor explain thoroughly to us on our next steps: more tests to take, where to get support and help.

Serenity is now 5 and a half, she does has a weaker lungs, but over all she is healthier than ever. So far, her heart, eyesight and hearing are doing well. She is running and learning to hop on 1 leg at the moment (everyhting is a learning curve to her, even those things that comes naturally to everyone else).

I thank you for all your prayers and support. I believe the Lord has given me this task and I also believe He is carrying me through it. She is now in living in NZ, a country where all other parts of the world look to when it comes to DS' issues. I am thankful the Lord has open this door for Serenity to be there, to get the best help. She now has at least 3 therapists monitoring her progress (all FOC!): Motor skill, speech and psychiatrist. I believe in no time, Serenity will be chatting with me on Skype, having a great conversation and I am able to understand every single thing she has to tell me!

For Serenity............ Keep on praying

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8oIuwB8LyA&feature=related (this video tells it all, have a look. Though it is not featuring Serenity, but it is a wonderful message to all)

My Peace, My Joy

2009-06-04T05:57:00.000+02:00

Serenity was taken away to be checked up after my delivery. She was taken away even before I had a chance to lay my eyes on her. I told David to follow the nurse (I heard too many stupid story about hospitals not handling babies well), to make sure everything is OK.

While David was out there with Baby S, a nurse ran into the delivery room and told the mid-wife that they might have a "down". I asked the mid- wife what was going on and said "She is not talking about my baby right?"down"? Does that men Down Syndrome?". The mid- wife pacified me and told me that nothing is confirmed since the pead is still checking. I was so overwhelm with what was happening and I snapped and said "Then she should keep her mouth shut till things are certain!" I mean come on, I was still lying on the delivery bed, being cleaned up and all by the mid- wife..... do they not teach "taking care of your patient emotion" in their nursing classes? Why would they want to scare a new mum like that??!!!!!!

Minutes later, David came into the room, held my hands and told me that doc said the baby might be Down Syndrome (DS). I looked at him, not even sure what was going in my mind at that moment. As if it has stopped functioning, not able to think or absorb anything that was happening around me. The only thing I remember asking was, how sure was he if he didn't conduct any tests?!

I was wheeled to my room with another 6 women, some with their babies and some are waiting for delivery. Soon, my family got the news of my newborn.... news about Baby S is DS. Almost everyone rush to see us during visiting hours and prayed with us. Everyone looked at Baby S and said, she looks perfect! It really doesn't matter if she is perfect or not, all I know is that no matter what happen............ she is MINE!

Doctor woke me up @ bloody 11pm to talk about Baby S condition (11 bloody pm, can you imagine that!) He told me he is certain even without test that she is DS, he is trained in this field and he could tell just by looking at her. I told him, I still prefer to have test done. He then made the most awful, disgusting remark "Just look at you baby, don't you think there is something wrong with her?!" I looked at him calmly and said, "NOPE! she looks like my little precious baby girl!". I stood up and walked away.

You would think that is the end of an awful incident! The following morning, 2 Malay ladies with tudung cam by my bed and asked me to sign some forms, telling me they are from social welfare. I asked them what were those forms for? They said there are for adoption. ADOPTION!!!!!! who ordered that? They said, the doctors (how could I not know, it is that stupid, arrogant doc again!) I told the ladies to leave immediately, I never had any intention of giving my baby away! EVER!

We stayed in the hospital for about a week, Baby S wasn't feeding well. She sleeps all day and all night long, even through feeding time. She was peaceful at all time, no crying, no sound from her... she just sleeps all the time. That is why we named her- SERENITY.

Serenity was taken into GH for another check up, this time it is a proper one with a "proper" doctor who went through those "emotional course". Who is aware of how hard it is for the family. He was really gentle and sensitive throughout, diagnosed her and confirmed that she is DS with a blood test (I will talk more about the test they ran in a new blog).

This doc advised us on where to get help for Serenity, told us about early intervention development course for her. What kind of check up she needs and at what point.... He is 200 folds more helpful.

I have been with Serenity from that day on. January 10, 2004. I am still with her. Though not physically (since she is living with her big sister, Keisha and her Daddy in NZ), but there is without a day, I don't think of her. Anytime of the day, I have her smile in my mind. That innocent, most sincere smile. The kind of smile that will just lift everything off your shoulder. No matter how hard or how bad the day was. All I need to do is to think of that smile. And I will smile too. Serenity......................... my peace, my joy :-)

My little "Big Girl"

2009-06-03T11:00:00.000+02:00

Keisha has a very big heart. The one thing that worried her the most when she knew she is moving to live with her Dad is that I might not be able to sleep at night without them. Can you imagine that, a 7 and a half year old girl has to worry about her mummy of the possibility of facing insomnia?

She is a "big girl" in many sense (though she will always be my baby). She stands up for her little sister a lot (I mean A LOT!). When she was about 5 years old, we invited a friend of hers over to our place for playtime. Serenity can only crawl around then. Keisha was building something with her friend at the corner of the lounge, the next thing we could hear was things falling down..... You guessed it, Serenity the destroyer has played lumberjack on the architectural creation of her big sis and friend!

Keisha's friend was furious, she screamed at Serenity and keep pushing her away :-( Then the big sister stepped in. She looked at her friend calmly, while hugging her sis and said " You know, Serenity is a special child. You need to be patient with her. She will learn, may be not now, but she will learn..... so you cannot shout and her and push here away, but you need to be patient and teach her!". I was SO PROUD of my little "big girl"!

Now that she is with her Serenity in NZ, I am sure my little "little girl" (Serenity) is in the good hands of my little "big girl"

Daughters

2009-06-01T17:20:00.000+02:00

John Mayer wrote a song about "Daughter". Funny enough he is not even married, let alone having any kids. I am always amaze and admire people who has such great imagination- writing something they don't even have any experience about and yet so precise! How then can he express so well about "her"?

This is part of what he wrote:
I know a girl she puts the color inside of my world She's just like a maze, where all of the walls all continually change And I've done all I can to stand on the the steps, with my heart in my hands Now I started to think maybe it's got nothing at all to do with me

My princesses did exactly that when I have them in my arms for the first time, at all time I feel that they have put color inside my world. Different color every time under different circumstances. The palate only they can create, so unique, so precious, so joyful...... and with so much love.

My princesses are living in NZ with their Daddy now. It is definitely the hardest decision I ever had to make. I am so sure when I let them go, I am doing the best I can to give them a better life. I hope I am still right!

I miss them so much, every little thing remind me of them. The shop that I passed by, it reminded me of how Keisha will ask if she can go in and try something out and promised she will not buy a thing (we usually ended up buying something... even if it is really small, like a hair clip). KFC that is near my place, reminds me of Serenity. She gets really excited whenever we pass by it. Yes! She loves KFC. The littlest thing in my life will bring tears to my eyes, because I miss my princesses so much.

We launched a new TV show last week. The director and his wife (the writer) brought their little girl along. She is same age as Keisha and has long, dark brown, curly hair like Keisha. She was sitting on her mummy's lap and having a cuddle..... Oh, how I wish I have my little girls on my lap and doing the "group hug" session (this is something that we often do to show our love to each other- the "GROUP HUG")

I really thank God for the technology. It does still keep my distance shorter with my girls. We talk everyday on skype or MSN. But, how I wish I can have virtual skype or MSN. I wanna smell them, touch them, stroke their hair, kiss them and hug them tightly. I just miss them so much!